Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
