i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
