okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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