You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
dude. I can hear the air.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
