laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
