youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Don't tell me you're on acid again
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
