Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
