I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
