I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
