He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
