I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
