I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
