i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Michael Bay diarrhea
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
