I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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