If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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