I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
