Soap is not a condiment
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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