I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
