she looked like the bat from fern gully.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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