what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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