I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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