i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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