i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
