So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
