Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize