GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize