I just threw up on my dentist
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
