how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Randomize