i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
