cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
