What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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