if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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