Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
