jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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