I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
