I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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