theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
