I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
