Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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