Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
