he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
