I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
