Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
