hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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