I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
