eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
my poor anus
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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