im drinking this country out of the recession.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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