Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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