Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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