you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
