Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I understand Curling. That high.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
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