Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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