all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
