they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
