He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
