omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
