life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
