Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize