Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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