Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
